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November 18, 2004

Not My Problem

More reasons to love O, The Oprah Magazine (which, I maintain, is a damned good magazine despite the fact that she is on every cover). This is an article by Martha Beck, who is a regular columnist in the magazine and who speaks the truth regularly. Love her. This is an article about disconnecting when necessary. My favorite two favorite disconnection strategies:

4. Get rid of squid. Squid is my word for people who seem to be missing their backbones but possess myriad sucking tentacles of emotional need. Like many invertebrates, squid appear limp and squishy—but once they get a grip on you, they're incredibly powerful. Masters at catalyzing guilt and obligation, they operate by squeezing pity from everyone they meet. Getting a squid out of your life is never pretty. Tell them straightforwardly that you want them, yes them, to leave now, yes, now. This will be unpleasant. There will be lasting hurt feelings. Don't worry. Squid love hurt feelings. They hoard them, trading them in for pity points when they find another victim—er, friend. Let them go, their coffers bulging.

5. Be insensitive. This is a very compassionate way to use your own psychological instincts. Instead of connecting with every person's problems, let yourself feel whether someone really needs your attention, or whether the best gift you can give might be a little abruptness.

Full article >

Posted by nikl at November 18, 2004 11:55 AM

Comments

Hmmm…#5 sounds dangerously close to a certain post-it note on Debbie's desk.

The larger issue here: You love "rules". Why is this?
Backlash from anti-establishment days?
Rule-making-breaking fetish?
Spent a little too long at computer camp?

Let me know if I'm getting warm.

Posted by: Gabriel Regentin at November 18, 2004 05:42 PM

hmmm - I don't know if it's just rules, I think it's more that there's reality and then there's a waste of time. I have little to no tolerance for time wasting. Which I think maybe comes from participating in such too much, and now doing my best to be done with it.

DONE.

:)

Posted by: nikl at November 22, 2004 09:49 AM

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