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December 06, 2004

Attack of the Killer... Raccoons

This summer my parents had a raccoon issue so disturbing that I won't go into it here. I will say that it included needing to cut a hole in the wall in order to rescue crying baby raccoons, and I will also say that the raccoons did NOT get into the house.

Ever since I moved home, I've thought that I've heard noises above me, but I just thought it was the house settling, or one of the cats upstair somewhere I couldn't see them, or the tree outside my window or something. I asked my parents if the raccoons could be above my room and they were pretty sure that there was no way in and that there wasn't enough space up there. Well, last week, I was awakened at 2am to something trying to work it's way in - or out. Who knows. The next night, 4am, same thing - something YANKING and SCRAPING and PULLING. My mom happened to be up with a caughing fit, so she came up and heard it too. She called the wildlife guy the next morning.

So, last night, probably within 30 minutes of my falling asleep, I'm awakened by a ruckus. As I'm coming out of sleep, I can't tell where it's coming from, but it's definitely IN the house. I get up, put some clothes on, and cautiously make my way to my sister's side of the floor, where I'm pretty sure it's coming from - all the time with visions of a giant, clawed raccoon jumping into my face. Scarlet comes prancing across the room towards me, and I see that the shade on my sister's widow is moving - whew. Scarlet was just playing or got caught in it. No raccoon. I pick her up, ask if she's trying to give me a heart attack, and them go back to bed.

As SOON as I turn the lights out, the ruckus resumes. WTF!?!?! So, I get up and put clothes back on, and turn on ALL the lights, go over to the window and pull the shade up high enough that Scarlet won't be able to get tangled up in it and there outside the window, is a big ass raccoon, staring at me. It's calmly walking from one end of the window to the other, sniffing, and looking for a way in. I make a sudden movement towards it and it just stares at me, unmoved. I got downstairs to turn the outside lights on, and as I walk through the entry way see a raccoon running down the middle of the street. My still half asleep brain is convinced that The Are Coming and we're being overrun.

I suppose the lights did the trick, b/c when I go back up, he's gone. I hope the wilderness guy comes today though. For pete's sake.

Posted by nikl at December 6, 2004 09:57 AM

Comments

My friend Chris Czajka says:

Speaking from my experiences in the wilds of Californy, may I please warn you that every raccoon on earth basically wants to kill you.

They're evil, hateful creatures who will stop at nothing to get what they want.

If they get into the house while you're sleeping, they will carry your nose off into the night.

And then they will wring their creepy little humanoid hands while they chew it.

Posted by: nikl at December 6, 2004 11:46 AM

That's hysterical, and I'm frightened.

Posted by: kira at December 6, 2004 01:15 PM

you shoulld be - as it was at YOUR window!!!!

Posted by: nikl at December 6, 2004 01:20 PM

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